You may be able to stop my mind from thinking, But my heart will never stop from beating
i was walking when my skin suddenly felt really clogged, like i haven’t been drinking enough water lately. i began concentrating on whatever else my body wanted to tell me when God asked me “How is it you tell when your body lacks nutrients but didn’t even notice when i began slipping away?” ouch. #backOnTrackNow #hooray for #mentalSanity #restoration
ive been lying awake for hours and just cant seem to sleep at all so far. it seems like every minute im either subcontiously dying to be in the same bed as my Edward, watching him sleep soundly even. just to feel his warmth, know his breath, and feel completely safe in his presence. This burning desire for the constant love he supplies me makes me wonder now why at all am i going to lunch tomorrow. I should be running out to sign up for a chastity club while i wait for my FATH, my one and only. But i’ve already diggen into this grave and hey, he’s a nice kid. Too bad i’m gonna take advantage of him, but hes going to absolutely love it. Shit. something i never thought about. what am i gonna do when i come back from all year. Be with Bryan i suppose i assumed, but that’ll be devastating to ‘Jacob’. shit….No, don’t look back now. Because in the middle of the nigt, all night long there’s only one i yearn for. and that’s not Noah. Well in his own words- “better have fun while we can”
So i kissed Noah today. Sorry, but i just wanted to know what it was like. I also kissed Bryan today after that, but nbd- old news there. However, hes getting better, poor kid; and tasted like cherry coke. *Note to self: kiss guys just after drinking: Delicious, Am i ever gonna find him? The best kiss i ever had was Nico; But claiming him is a never. Do boys just not really kiss like they do in the movies? Today it’s all half-second pecks? Not me. Where am i gonna find the guy who loves me unconditionally. Where am i gonna find a Bryan without the parental issues and can actually kiss without me having to train him? and preferably goes to the same school as me? Does he exist? I think i read fairy tales too much. I just need a guy i can walk into my high school reunion with and all the girls grow envious of his looks. and return to the 50th year reunion and the girls still are envious now because of how in love with me he still is. and a guy who worships. Fully surrendered. When i tried to make out with B today he was so worried about his parents finding out he wouldn’t. where did i go wrong? i fell in love with the careless popular cool guy. Not this.
There are more nerve cells in your brain than people on the planet. And they all work together. What if all us humans worked together like the cells of one brain? Now THAT would be I.AM.YOU.
I hate my life. I want to die. Again. How many times has it been in like the last month? Wow. I’m a sad poor unfortunate soul. Legit. I really am seriously crushing on Bryan. I refuse to like him becuase i don’t wanna be hurt again. But still, i am hurting. Not cause of him. This is a different kind of hurt. His mom told him not to get involved with me cause i’m weird. Do you have any clue how bad that hurts? It’s middle school all over again. I wasted the first five years of my life on this case with dudek. Not ever happening again. This is so pathetic. I hate my life. I haven’t cut myself for probably a month. Well i guess i’m due. Wow…i won’t live this life again. I won’t